Breaking Free from Judging Others: A Personal Experience

Being human is a fascinating experience. We all know that life is temporary, and embracing harmony is the best way to live peacefully. My personal philosophy for life is simple:

I strive to add value to any group I am a part of—our society. But even if I cannot contribute positively, I make sure not to become a liability. By following this principle, I ensure that I live without unnecessary bondage and do not interfere with others' ways of life. In return, I expect the same courtesy.

As the old wisdom goes: Treat others the way you wish to be treated.

What Happened Yesterday

A girl who was once friends with my girlfriend messaged me, asking about her well-being. I found it inappropriate—if they were still friends, she could reach out directly. If not, why was she inquiring about her personal life, especially her mental health? Moreover, she wasn’t a friend of mine either.

This wasn’t the first time. She had reached out twice before with similar concerns, and this time, I decided to put an end to it. I told her:

"Just because you are going through a tough phase doesn’t mean you should assume others are too. We all have different journeys. Since you admitted that you and my girlfriend are no longer in touch, and we are not friends, it is none of your business to interfere in our personal lives."

Her reaction was unexpected—she lashed out, making baseless accusations about my loyalty and even claiming that I was "brainwashing" my girlfriend. Her words were purely her imagination or perhaps just a defensive reaction to her own insecurities.

I didn’t engage in clarification. I simply repeated: "Again, it’s none of your business. I don’t understand why you’re texting me."

When she continued, I warned her that if she didn’t stop, I would report the matter to her brother and my girlfriend. I then exported the chat and shared it with my girlfriend before she deleted her messages.

My girlfriend confronted her, making it clear that she had no right to comment on our relationship, especially when she was no longer involved in our lives. Eventually, the girl assured my girlfriend that she wouldn’t contact me again.

However, she also requested that I not report the incident to her brother, fearing it might lead to family conflicts. But given the social context and the fact that she was already going through a separation, I felt it was necessary. I informed her brother, who sincerely apologized and assured me he would take care of the situation, considering she was already facing a difficult time.

How the Habit of Judgment Develops

This incident led me back to the original question: Why do people judge others?

The answer is simple: misery.

Many of us struggle with life’s challenges, but instead of taking responsibility for our own actions, we look outward. We seek validation in others' struggles to reassure ourselves that we are not alone in our suffering.

1. Some dig into others’ problems, hoping to find misery that mirrors their own.

2. Some blame external circumstances rather than acknowledging their own faults.

3. Some criticize and gossip because negativity feels easier than self-reflection.

But here’s what happy, successful people do:

• A happy person doesn’t dwell on others’ faults; they focus on spreading positivity.

• A person good at relationships doesn’t belittle others for their failures; they encourage tolerance and understanding.

• A person successful in their career doesn’t make others feel inferior; they create opportunities for everyone to grow.

Breaking Free from the Habit of Judging Others

Only those struggling in their own relationships will talk negatively about others. Only those who believe their unhappiness stems from external sources will judge others' struggles.

Instead of clinging to behaviors that create misery, people should seek the right company—learning from those they admire instead of envying them.

As Solomon Burke rightly said:

"None of us are free, none of us are free. None of us are free if one of us is chained."

Let’s break the chains. Let’s choose growth over judgment.

Note:I deliberately omitted her details to respect her privacy and maintain confidentiality regarding her tough phase, as I learned about it while serving at the center. Though she shared these personally, I still chose to uphold her privacy.